::: Saturday, November 09, 2002 :::
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Thanks raymond for my new blog design. Suits the new me. :)
::: posted by
Chel at 11/09/2002 06:08:00 PM | |
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::: Friday, November 08, 2002 :::
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I think I am done with crying. At least, I hope I am.
I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm young. I'm going to be a doctor. God has such big plans for me and He probably didn't want me to mess them up which was why this had to happen. I will meet the right guy at the right time. Meanwhile I have to focus on myself - chuck my insecurities, find my self-esteem, love myself the way I should.
This time, I come first.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/08/2002 09:03:00 PM | |
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From my bestfriend in the world:
I know you feel bad and what kills me most is that I can't do anything
about
that. I feel really sorry. If I were there I would take you out, we
would
spend the whole night talking about guys or just get drunk. Sometimes I
wish
so bad I was there with you.
And what kills you is probably the fact that you hoped that maybe you
were
there, the place that some people call 'eternal love'. You are angry
and
hurt that he fooled you like that. I understand you and would probably
feel
exactly the same. Things happen, whether we want them or not. And maybe
the
same thing will happen to you to or three times more. That's called
life.
But let me tell you something. It's worth it. It's worth trying the
special
love beause later when you find it, whether it will be just for a
couple of
months or years, you'll be proud of yourself. And you will say to
yourself
'I was such a fool to look for love with Richard, becuase this what I
have
now with ... is so much better!' You will feel like a princess and you
will
know that no other guy could give you that. And you will feel beautiful
and
smart. And this special guy won't see the world beside you.
How do I know that? I feel it. I feel that the best is before you. Just
close your eyes and say to yourself, it will pass and I'll be a lot
happier
when it's over. I promise you that. And as somebody told me someday
'when
God closes the door, he opens the window' trust me!
Rememeber when I told you some time ago that maybe the best thing that
happenes in our lives is the fact that we don't get the things we want?
Now
I go to sleep. I think I'm catching a flu or something. Take care, I
miss
you,
karolina
::: posted by
Chel at 11/08/2002 01:41:00 AM | |
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::: Thursday, November 07, 2002 :::
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What kind of porno would you star in?
brought to you by Quizilla
::: posted by
Chel at 11/07/2002 07:13:00 PM | |
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A few minutes afer that very positive post, I'm beginning to feel the onset of yet another depression. Maybe because my dad and brother have just left, and I'm alone here agone.
There are more important things in life, though. I should focus on them.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/07/2002 04:04:00 PM | |
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My pamangkins are on their way to the US. I miss them so much already. :(
After bawling my eyes out the whole day, I woke up and realized that hey, it was for the best. I mean of course I'm still so used to seeing his name on my cellphone first thing in the morning, last thing before I sleep. Everytime I receive a message, I still expect it's from him. Cool Water for Men still reminds me of him. Even the sight of Eric Quizon does. But well, someday, this will all change. Someday I'll get used to not having him in my life anymore. Someday, I'll chuck my old routine which revolved around him and develop a new one.
What I should do now is focus on myself, develop self-esteem, rest my heart for a while, and breathe.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/07/2002 03:58:00 PM | |
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::: Wednesday, November 06, 2002 :::
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LETTER TO GOD ON DIVINE HUMAN LOVE
Everyone longs to give themselves to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another
To be loved thoroughly, and exclusively,
But God, to his child says:
"No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled
And content by being loved by me alone
With giving yourself totally and unreserved to me,
Relationship with me alone,
Discovering that only in me
Is your only satisfaction to be found,
Will you be united with another until
You are united with me
Exclusively of anyone or anything else,
Exclusive of any other desires or longings
I wan't you to stop planning, stop wishing
And allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing,
One that you cannot imagine
I want you to have the best.
Please allow me to bring it to you.
You must keep watching me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.
Just wait, that's all.
Don't be anxious, don't worry.
Don't look around you at the things others
Have gotten or that I have given them.
Don't look at the things you think you want.
Just keep looking off and away at me
Or you'll miss what I have to show you.
And then when you're ready,
I'll suprise you with a love far more wonderful
Than any you would dream of.
You see, until you are ready,
Until the person I have for you is ready
(I am working even at this moment to have
You both ready at the same time)
Until you are both satisfied exclusively
With me and the life I have prepared for you,
You won't be able to experience the love
That exemplifies your relationship
With me, and is thus the perfect love.
And dear one, I want you to have this
Most wonderful love. I want you to see
In the flesh a picture of your relationship
With me, and to enjoy materially and
Concretely the everlasting union of
Beauty, perfection and love
That I offer you with myself.
Know that I love you utterly
Believe it and be satisfied."
::: posted by
Chel at 11/06/2002 08:03:00 PM | |
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Again, the PEX Pearls. I need them.
"You should never believe everything that a guy tells you... especially if he promises you the whole world... even if you think that he's worth all your trust... believe me... they change... i think they only say things which are true for a moment... then becomes a lie after a while.... "
"No matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief."
"loving someone means giving that person the power to hurt you... "
"It cannot be forced into happening. Sometimes you just have to accept you're not the one." --- I posted this.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/06/2002 08:02:00 PM | |
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I was right all along.
Ang sakit. Sobra.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/06/2002 10:37:00 AM | |
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I am so confused.
I wonder. Did I really make the right choice?
I just wanted to be loved. It's basic human nature. Anyone who says otherwise is a hypocrite. I didn't want lust, I didn't want desire, I wanted love. Only the asshole offered it, marriage even. Why do I now feel like shit?
::: posted by
Chel at 11/06/2002 05:49:00 AM | |
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They're leaving tomorrow. Sobrang sad.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/06/2002 05:32:00 AM | |
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::: Tuesday, November 05, 2002 :::
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"Life leads us through the best ways. Sometimes we can't understand that, but oneday we will. All it takes is just to wait."
Karolina dear, thanks. I love you.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/05/2002 05:33:00 PM | |
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Guy problem temporary cure: Coke light and yosi. Lots of them.
I'm a non-smoker.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/05/2002 05:28:00 PM | |
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Ganito daw ako sabi sa www.MyVirtualModel.com. Pero bat dito, pareho naman height and weight ko, sexy ako, sa totoong buhay, hindi? :P
::: posted by
Chel at 11/05/2002 10:25:00 AM | |
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Bati na kami nung adguy. Just talked to him, and he made me realize a lot of things.
I should give myself some credit. I have my whole life ahead of me, and there are so many more important things.
In his words, "nakakagulo ba yan sa eskwela mo? Kung oo, TIGILAN MO NA."
::: posted by
Chel at 11/05/2002 02:37:00 AM | |
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::: Monday, November 04, 2002 :::
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Tama nanay Dudit ko, mag-aral na lang ako muna saka kareerin ang pagre-relaunch.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/04/2002 05:51:00 PM | |
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From this moment on, I will try to focus on my studies. Tama na muna career. Last night, I realized this year, ang dami ko naging career. There was The Player, who, well, played me. Okay, okay, that's unfair. It was my fault anyway. I thought his incredible sweetness meant something. And yeah, shallow, but who wouldn't fall for someone who's extremely intelligent, 6 footer, and who can be a dead-ringer for Freddie Prinze? Then Gerry, who's now my very good friend - hanggang ganon lang talaga pala kami. Kahit na sabi niya, "I love you I hate you", etc. Then my first-and-only-boyfriend-thus-far Rhome who's now my ex and closest guy friend lately. Then the Korean, pero wala naman yun. Just one date, and he was off to his country. He did freak me out a lot of times though. Sobrang weird. After him was the guy I waited for two months to fall in-love with me but it didn't happen.Kasi naman pala, meron din siyang ibang career. Oh well.
Then the asshole.
Ang KSP ko kasi masyado. I'm so drained.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/04/2002 05:31:00 PM | |
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* Which Tragic Shakespearean Heroin are You? *
brought to you by Quizilla
::: posted by
Chel at 11/04/2002 03:52:00 AM | |
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Patient reports, Clinico-Pathological Conference paper, case discussions, etc. etc.
But all I can think of is, they're leaving. Shit. Malungkot na sa bahay.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/04/2002 03:24:00 AM | |
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Another blow.
My pamangkins are leaving for the US on Thursday. This thursday. It will be a while before I see them again.
Pucha. Ang kulay ng linggo na to ah.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/04/2002 02:31:00 AM | |
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::: Sunday, November 03, 2002 :::
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"You know, Adelie penguins? They spend their whole lives looking for that other penguin, and when they meet them, they know. And they spend the rest of their lives together." - Never Been Kissed
Funny. Just one stray text, and I'm back to reality.
At the risk of sounding incredibly cheesy, I really thought I finally found "that other penguin". False alarm lang pala. Serves me right for modelling my life after Drew Barrymore's movies. Oh well, Gerry is right. Ugok nga ako masyado. I'm inlove with the idea of love. If my lovelife is a hospital case, nademanda na ko, dami ko nang misdiagnosis. But I'm trying to look at this in a positive way. I'm not yet ready for a possible serious commitment anyway.Ang bait talaga ni Lord, I think He has big plans for me in the future which is why He's clearing the way. Inaalis niya yung mga hadlang sa plano niya para sa kin. Hindi Niya pinapabayaan masira buhay ko.
I will fall inlove again. I know I will. Aantayin ko na lang. Meanwhile, Gerry's right (for the nth time - kainis yun, laging tama), "mag-aral ka na lang hija."
Opo. :)
::: posted by
Chel at 11/03/2002 06:10:00 AM | |
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