::: Saturday, November 16, 2002 :::
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Gynecology major exam tomorrow, I don't know a thing, and I'm blogging. Caffeine overload later, I'm sure. Tapos makakatulog din ako. Good thing the exam is at 1 pm tomorrow. Hmn, major cram na naman.
After the exam, Patient-Doctor pa. Sawang-sawa na ko.
Oh, and tomorrow I will start the Scarsdale Diet. I hope this time I'll be able to stick to it and follow it strictly.
* * *
Leafing through my old blue diary, I found this prediction Madam Suzette made for me ages ago. We write for the same magazine.
"You will be admitted to a med school by next year so don't be so depressed. It's not yet the end of the world for you. The cards say your determination and your will to become a doctor will push you to achieve your goal. You need to specialize more in pediatrics or Ob-Gyne.
Yes, of course, you will have a boyfriend but not a serious one. You'll have two boyfriends before you will get married. You will meet him in a hospital when you are already a doctor for he too, is a doctor. You will settle down at either age 28 or 29."
Aantayin ko na lang siya.
* * *
God is so good. He got me out of my two quicksands (Rhome and Richard - what is it with me and Rs? My one great love whose name I won't dare mention here was R din; sana naman sa susunod, hindi na R ang simula nang pangalan ng boylet ko) before things got awry. I know He has big plans for me. And that He has someone for me, and I should just be patient. I'm so excited! :)
Believe, and be satisfied.
Amen.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/16/2002 09:45:00 PM | |
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::: Friday, November 15, 2002 :::
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I'm such an adorable potential daughter in-law. :)
So I had dinner with my friend and his tito. We looked for an authentic Chinese restaurant in Chinatown and had steamed lapu-lapu, crispy spare ribs, yang chow fried rice, and mango shake. I swear, he was so easy to please - I basically just had to listen to his stories, laugh at the right moments, give my opinion on some non-controversial things, and by the end of the night, he asked me to call him Popsie (his kids' call him that way). Basically he was building up his son (Jess), making him look good in my eyes - Jess may seem happy-go-lucky but he's really dedicated, he's the sweetest kid in the whole world and would even sit his mom on his lap and bring her cheesecake, he's buff but his huge muscles don't really look frightening in person, he's into a lot of sports, etc etc. He was so attentive - actually, ang cute, he would even serve me food. And he told me straight that he wants me for his son. O di ba?
Yeah I know. This pairing thing is so ancient. But then my take on this is, I'm honestly not wishing for something to happen between me and Jess. I'm open to the idea, sure, but I'm just enjoying the attention Popsie (naks, sabi nga ng kaibigan ko, pucha, ano yan, para kang may sugar daddy - di ka na nagsawa sa DOM) showers me. The more people that love me, the better right? It's just so nice to know someone likes me enough to want me to end up with his darling son. And on the way home, he asked me to come with him to this posh housewarming party on the 24th somewhere in Makati. I didn't say yes - I have OB finals the next day, but then I actually want to go. Not because I want to butter up so he'd really push through with pairing me with his son, but I think it will be a nice experience for me.
But I don't know what to wear. I wonder, will a simple blouse and skirt work?
Anyway, after he brought me home, I went straight to Starbucks Morato to meet Rhome and Roy. Teena, bio classmate, was there too with her friends. It started out as a fun night, but then Rhome said something which pissed Roy off and for the first time, he was quiet the rest of the evening. What was funnier though was, we were in my room at 3 am, and Roy was still so pissed off he wanted to go home! Ang drama. We basically ignored him and talked about Rhome's latest adventures. Then this morning, Roy's okay already, and we just laughed about it.
Good times. :)
* * *
Just woke up. Missed the Gilmore Girls. My "elaborate" bathing ritual - in the tradition of Unica Hija (but not so elaborate as compared to hers)- left me so tired and sleepy I just had to hit the sack even when it was 6 pm and all I did the whole day was, well, sleep.
Pero nakakatuwa kasi ang bango bango ko. :)
I started with St. Ives blue mask which I left on my face while watching Startalk. Rundown muna ng chismis: Jinggoy Estrada and Bong Revilla kissed and made up. In fairness, they looked sincere. Assunta de Rossi's getting married next month, and her whole family seemed against her decision - sabagay, ang bata pa naman niya but then she claimed to have found the love of her life already. Ako man yun, papakasal ako. Bongbong Marcos was there to wish the show happy 7th anniversary, and denied that he'll be FPJ's running mate on 2004, but he's definitely running for governor of Ilocos. I think it was Troy Montero who was in the blind item, but I don't know who his local papa is. Anyway, by the end of the show, the mask was so hard already so I entered the shower room and washed it all off. Then I shampooed my hair with Selsun Blue (okay, Selenium sulfide para talagang dating med student) and conditioned with this avocado deep conditioner I bought ages ago. It's ideal for steaming - at least, the label says so. But I don't have a steamer and I was just too lazy to do the hot-towel-over-hair thing. I applied Silka Papaya whitening liquid soap on my whole body, and left it for fifteen minutes to loosen the dead skin cells. While waiting, I bawled my lungs out singing You've Made Me Stronger over and over again - I swear, irereklamo na siguro ko ng mga kapitbahay namin dahil parang sirang plaka music coming from our unit. By the way, Aimee made me listen to a very positive break-up song - I Still Believe in Love by Jaya. Lyrics go something like "...just have to give my broken heart enough time ... I promise myself that when love comes again I will be ready ... I still believe in love though it's hurting me now I know that we'll be friends again ... I still believe in love, and I wish you love ... love broke my heart and it's gonna love that will make me whole ..." Hay, senti. I admit I still catch myself thinking about him but everytime I do, I scold myself to stop because he's happy and he's not thinking of me anymore.
Anyway, before the fifteen minutes were up, I started to scrub myself with this plastic flower thing I bought in Watson's. It also comes free with the large container of Dove body wash, I think. I washed the papaya soap off and started to scrub myself again to a blinding sheen this time using Johnson's Baby Milk Bath. Unlike in my dream though, I didn't have Paolo Bediones waiting for me to finish. :P Then I washed my face with Neutrogena Pore Refining facial scrub, brushed my teeth, shaved what needed to be shaved, and washed the goo off my hair. Sobrang bango ko I don't anymore wonder why Paolo found me so irrisistible in my, in Rhome's words, wet dream. When I got out of the washroom, humiga ako sa bed, and para kong gaga, inaamoy amoy ko sarili ko. Ang bango bango talaga. Sobrang bango, nakatulog ako. :)
So there. Raymond, my bathing ritual. :)
::: posted by
Chel at 11/15/2002 10:22:00 PM | |
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::: Thursday, November 14, 2002 :::
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Had the most incredible dream last night: I was taking a bath using Johnson's Baby Milk Bath in preparation for a hot night with Paolo Bediones. And the funny thing was, I was absolutely, positively, totally sure in my dream that we will sleep together.
Kaso nagising ako.
Tsk, tsk, ano ba yun, When I woke up, tawa ako ng tawa.
* * *
I want, I want!
* * *
My newest addiction: body washes. Dove, Johnson's Baby Milk Bath (and no, I got into this before I had that Paolo Bediones dream :P), Johnson's 5.5, and Tender Care Baby Wash (learned about this from Unica Hija's blog - I love it!). I don't even use my Body Shop Soya Milk Bath anymore - saka na, pangspecial occasion.
I'm very olfactory.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/14/2002 07:42:00 PM | |
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When You Can't let Go
So it's been over for a while. You've tried your best not to ring him or see him. Perhaps you've done the opposite, and sought him out at every opportunity, and rung him when you knew you shouldn't. Either way, you still can't stop thinking about him, and although you may have tried various ways to distract yourself, you can't get him out of your head. Unrequited love is frustrating, painful, and not that uncommon. I've watched quite a few of my close girlfriends experience this kind of heartache to a horrendous degree. I too, have found myself pining pathetically away over a lost love. It's hard, and it hurts. But you can, and will eventually let him go and move on.
So what can you do?
Don't call him or try and see him. It will always end in tears. If by some chance you can catch him, either by phone or in person, you are just placing a short-term bandaid on your heart. At first, this contact will make you feel good, until he reinforces to you that's over and he has moved on (this is where the tears begin). It's just like breaking up all over again. All you're doing is putting yourself into a vulnerable and painful situation again. If you think that by making contact with him, you can change how he feels, you will be disappointed. Remember, as much as love can be a beautiful experience, it can also be so cruel. The reality is, if he had decided he wanted you back, then he would have tried to contact you. If he's made no attempt to do this, then he doesn't want you back. Trying to persuade him to get back together will only frustrate you and ultimately anger him. He knows there is nothing he can say or do to make you feel any better, and contacting him will only frustrate him. In the end if you keep calling, the only way you're going to make him happy, is by leaving him alone for good.
If you can, try and reverse the situation. If you ended the relationship, and your ex kept calling to try and convince you to get back together, it wouldn't take long until you would dread the thought of hearing from him. It's just the same for guys.
Surround yourself with your girlfriends. When you are going through a difficult battle such as this one, go to your girlfriends, that's what they're there for. It's okay to vent your feelings when you first break up with your partner, but if you keep rehashing the same thing, they too will become sick of hearing about it. If this starts to happen, they're not being bitchy, there's just nothing they can say or do to help. Use them to take your mind off things. Your friends would rather you do this than hear the same old story over and over about why he doesn't want to be with you.
Try doing girl things together. Go shopping, have a girl's night out, or take a weekend away. For most girls, close girlfriends can be like an extended family, and they will love you through the tough times, but they need to see you are trying to help yourself. No matter how much people care, they do get sick of someone who's not trying to help themselves.
Throw yourself into work, hobbies, and recreation. Even if you can't stop thinking about your ex, get out and live. It may not be helpful to start with, but after a while it can ease the heartache. Once the relationship's over, it's important you start rebuilding your life. Often when couples are together for a while, they're worlds entwine and become one. So it's normal to feel a little lost. Sometimes what you may be missing is the security of having a predictable and safe love and social life. Many people lose contact with their friends when they fall in love, and once it's over they feel completely devastated at the loss of not just their ex, but of the life they gave up to be with them. And when it's over, things are going to change dramatically. Change is sometimes terrifying, but it can also be wonderful. If change scares you, try and turn it around. Embrace chance. With change comes growth, and when you grow, the person you should find at the end will be a beautiful and strong survivor.
If you've tried everything. If it's been months, and you still can't find you can let go of your ex, you may need to seek out some counselling. You will probably find that the problem lies a lot deeper than the ending of a relationship. Talking with someone other than your friends can often throw a new perspective on the situation, and you may find that there are other alternatives to help you move on. Seeing a professional for a relationship break-up does mean you are weak or hopeless. If you cannot move on, this is actually a healthy decision, and is quite common.
Letting go of someone you love and accepting that they no longer want to be with you can be a painful thing to cope with. But the heart does heal; it's just some just take longer than others. And remember you've lived much of your life without this person before, and you can do it again. You just need to be strong, and hang on.
- Louise Ganey
::: posted by
Chel at 11/14/2002 05:08:00 AM | |
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::: Wednesday, November 13, 2002 :::
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Had a very refreshing, deep sleep last night. Didn't study, didn't even attempt to open my books. Before 10 pm, I was in dreamland.
Woke up late. Actually, I woke up around 6 am, but I went back to sleep. :) Then at 7:30, I got up, even had the nerve to eat a quick breakfast before taking a bath since school's only 5 minutes away, and was 30 minutes late for my 8 am class. I decided against entering the auditorium though coz I saw Todd's the moderator again, and he might call me - ewan ko sa Kanong yun, masyado ako favorite. So here I am in the cyberlib blogging.
Tsk, tsk. Ah basta ang sarap ng tulog ko.
* * *
Remember my friend's uncle, the one who is setting me up with his son in the US?
He invited me for dinner tomorrow night again. He wants to have authentic Chinese food in Ongpin. Actually, he calls me anak every chance he gets. Earlier, my friend told me his exact words were tanong mo naman sa anak ko kung pwede siya bukas. I don't know why, gustong-gusto niya ko maging manugang dati pa. My mom cringed when I told her about this though - I think she's never going to accept that I'm no longer a kid. I'm already 24 years old, for crying out loud. Maybe she'll even pass out if she finds out that not only have I had a boyfriend, si Rhome pa. :P
Roy is inviting me for coffee though. And since there's the big Rhome problem to dissect, I might choose that over my, uhm, soon-to-be dad. The son is actually cute ha - tall (5'11") and buff. May greencard pa.:P Seriously though, I haven't given my nod to anyone. I know what I should do actually - study like hell, try to make up for that disaster OB-Gyne exam which coincided with the recent major drama in my life. Hay naku, mabigyan nga ng schedule of exams mga lalake ko para alam nila kung kelan ta-timing.
Study my foot. Malamang nito, after PD, I'll go straight to either Ongpin or Makati, depending on which invitation I choose.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/13/2002 05:29:00 PM | |
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::: Tuesday, November 12, 2002 :::
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Out Of Reach
Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK
But I was
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you
But now I'm
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach,
So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
Out of reach,
So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there
For me
::: posted by
Chel at 11/12/2002 05:18:00 AM | |
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Toxic day in school.
We had the minicase on myoma this morning, and Todd (my American classmate) - he was the moderator - called me FOUR times. I was surprised actually because I didn't think he knew my whole name, but he did, and he looked like he was having a blast everytime he chose me out of the SEVENTY other people in class. Ewan ko dun, lakas mag-trip. Even later in Community Med, the doctor asked me how I wanted to be called, and he made a wise-crack. I swear. Ayaw ako patahimikin. Hay naku, kung di lang yan may asawa na iisipin ko crush niya ko. I told my good friend June about it and she called me kabit:P
Anyway, PD was toxic. Case was severe essential hypertension, and Dr. Solante asked all these pathophysio questions we didn't expect. And since it's pathophysio, we really couldn't bluff our way out of it. Even in the diagnostic and treatment plan, nauubusan kami ng sagot nila Charmaine and Earl. Serves us right for sitting at the back.
I am so tired. Rhome is coming over to borrow my Kaplan psych book, and I have case discussion tomorrow on Gestational Diabetes Mellitus. Wala pa ko alam, antok pa ko.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/12/2002 03:02:00 AM | |
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::: Monday, November 11, 2002 :::
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Sabi nga ng Ate Grace ko, walang kwenta yan. Hanap ka ng doktor.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/11/2002 04:15:00 AM | |
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::: Sunday, November 10, 2002 :::
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You've Made Me Stronger
by Regine Velasquez
Is it hard to believe I'm okay?
After all, it's been a while
Since you walked away
I'm way past crying
Over your finding someone new
You turned my day into night
But now I see the light
And this may be a big surprise to you
Chorus:
‘Cause you've made me stronger
By breaking my heart
You ended my life
And made a better one start
You’ve taught me everything
From fallin' in love
To letting go of a lie
Yes, you've made me stronger
Baby, by saying goodbye
If you'd rather believe I'm not over you
Go ahead, there's nothing wrong
With making believe
I know 'cause I used to pretend
You'd come back to me
But time has been such a friend
Brought me to my senses again
And I have you to thank for
Setting me free
(Repeat Chorus)
Bridge:
Think again
Don't feel sorry for me my friend
Oh, don't you know
I'm not the one at the losing end
(Repeat Chorus)
Goodbye, goodbye
You've made me stronger
Baby, by saying goodbye
I loved you so much I would have fought for you, but you made me go. Thank you.
::: posted by
Chel at 11/10/2002 03:00:00 PM | |
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Fun night with Rhome and Roy! :)
We started it with dinner in my place, then Javanillas in Seattle's Best Greenbelt. They originally planned to cheer me up and take my mind off my problems, but I was so okay already and there was no need to. We discussed Rhome's major problem instead. Oh, and saw the cutest guy in the next table - tall (around 5'11"-6'0), fair, chinito. Really, what the hell was I thinking the past few weeks. :D Jason, my highschool friend, texted that I look so much better when he saw me five months ago than I did during high school (don't we all?) and told me that he thought I have a boyfriend already. I said I don't and he volunteered to look for a date for me during the holidays when I come home. He's a med rep, and he said he'd find me a nice resident doctor or consultant. I agreed. Yeah, I know I promised to rest my heart for a while, but hey, a date is just date. I'm young, I have to meet other people:) In the words of Dudit, "hanap tayo ng bagay sa yo, hindi yung kung sino lang."
After finishing the coffee (which was actually just softened moccha ice cream) and almost 1 1/2 pack of yosi (yes, we're medical students) we had the sudden urge to bawl, so we went to this KTV bar in the third floor. We had zero inhibitions, sang like hell, and had the time of our lives. Oh, and by the way, my favorite song at the moment? You've Made me Stronger by Regine Velasquez. :) After that we consumed the finger food and another 1/2 pack in the bar, and just laughed about things.
Rhome is in a major rut, by the way. My problem suddenly seemed so mudane.
Hanging out with my closest friends, reaffirming my intelligence, and looking like a million dollars (well, at least, according to them - I had on my new lacy top, my bootleg low-rider jeans, and my new adorable boots from Vero Cuou - pointed with kitten hills; Rhome told me he's very happy because when I get depressed, I always, always look more beautiful and I try to dress up) made me realize my worth all the more. Hey, even in Shangri-la earlier during the day, I was in Tubby, and one of the costumers specifically asked for the top I was wearing. Kaso mura lang siya eh, hindi siya Tubby. :) And Rhome told me he's so glad this happened, I've been pulled out of the quicksand.
An asshole isn't worth any blog space. Not even another thought.
Life is beautiful.:)
::: posted by
Chel at 11/10/2002 02:53:00 PM | |
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